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At the helm of this holiday operation is my mom, a perky perfectionist who was once crowned “The Sweetheart of Sigma Chi” at The University of Georgia, and the “Miss Augusta” runner-up.

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Most every surface in my parents’ Georgia home is monogrammed — the bath towels, the coasters, the seashell-shaped soaps.

Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the head of the church.

Baptists don’t recognize each other at the liquor store.” We’re not Baptists – but based on my family’s idolatrous worship of alcohol – we might as well be.

So hopped up on the holidays, she didn’t even notice one year when I wrapped a cashmere sweater I had borrowed from her two years prior.

“Oh I just love this,” she said, swirling a celery stalk into her Bloody Mary.

A trip to the liquor store.” I think these napkins were created with my family in mind.