honey, you can't "fix" him, and you can't go around worrying about what he can/can't handle, esp. you need need need need to take care of yourself and establish some boundaries. and i trust the goodness of the universe to place good things in my path, and one day i will be well enough, whole, and i will do better next time. and you do not owe hurting yourself to your bf so that his feelings won't be hurt.he is not working his program if he is making you feel like you are responsible for his recovery in ANY way. ask yourself why its so important to you to cling to someone in your life, esp. but even without the alcohol, i would be a dry drunk, because it is all about the way that i think. he needs to work his program, you can't work it for him.what you cannot give to yourself, no other person can give to you. but you will never be happy with your bf, no matter what good things he does, if you are just not able to give love and happiness and find joy for yourself.
I just dont like the fact that the set up is practically no-strings attached for him.I mean, since he has declared that he cant make a commitment until he gets his working life back on track, I feel stuck as to what I can ask for while he spends time at my place.you may not feel like you have the strength, but you will surprise yourself.you can live through the pain of pulling back, taking a breather, and doing what YOU need to do for yourself. I started to recognize myself in the stories of others. It felt right to be there, but something was missing. He doesnt like to talk about how he feels about me.
I keep getting the message from AA and Al-Anon that Im suppose to be patient with him because hes learning to cope with his emotions instead of leaning on alcohol as a crutch. I would like to suggest something that I really think will help you out here.... and yes you need the tools to have a relationship with an Alcoholic and that is true for recovering Alcoholics.... Not only would I rip up the get out of jail free card (which is a crock of [email protected]*p) but I would use my steeltoed bunny slippers to kick his bum to the curb till he either matured enough, recovered enough or grew up enough to have a "relationship" with me... I would put the focus on myself and my growth and wait for the man who really can love me. hard work is very good for a guys health and his head. life is to short to be miserable with someone that you don't have to be.trust me ..i got a sticky situation of my own at home. You got this guy ,he don't like talking,"I can understand that" but still a dude needs to tell his oldlady something sweet ,and drop a few i loves you now and agin.i do that a few times a day.
He doesn't work and doesn't offer to help you out around your house in which he stays all the time.
You are walking on egg shells around him and his recovery instead of being real and honest with him and yourself.
I have all this resentment and anger just building up inside me. Maybe Im not giving him enough credit, but I dont think he can handle me wanting to re-establish the boundaries of our relationship. Every time we get into an argument, even if its over something stupid, it always feels like were on the brink of splitting up.
I dont feel like I have the right to tell him that he needs to help out more. I need the courage to follow through on what I know would be the best for me and it terrifies me. and i know that i can either stay wollowing in the pain, or move forward.
he is this little triangle that hobbles along looking for a place to fit in.